Steve Martin quotes
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Would you read that back to me? I'm afraid that might make me sound pompous to your readers.
- Olsen: "My brilliant research in brain transplantation is unsurpassed, and will probably make my name live beyond eternity".
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Well, that's all right. Take out the "probably". It makes me sound... (continue)(continue reading)
“- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: I can't inject you with window cleaner.
- Fran: I don't mind. Hey, what does it do anyway?
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: It causes your brain to die last.
- Fran: I don't mind.”
We could sell this house in a second. It's the “Leave It to Beaver” house that everybody wants.
“- Juliet Forrest: Sometimes I feel I would like to...
- Rigby Reardon: You'd like to what? Kiss me? Yeah, that would be nice. It would give me a chance to tell her I was starting to feel something for her, too. Something warm and squishy. But how could I explain that a man in my business can't take on a wife, have a bunch of kids?
- Juliet...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Becky Metcalf: I didn't want to marry a dreamer. I'm not that brave. But when I see you through Gwen's eyes you look very different to me.
- Newton Davis: How?
- Becky Metcalf: Well, I could see how a dreamer, with somebody who believes in him, could do great things.”
“- Dolores: By the way, I fired Ramon yesterday.
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Ramon? Ramon is such a fine man. What did he do?
- Dolores: He came up behind me and he grabbed my breasts.
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: What? I haven't even done that yet.”
“- Newton Davis: It's not a marriage! It is a simple arrangement in which I will share my house with her and in exchange for which she will argue with me in public and generally make my life incredibly terrible.
- Marty: That's marriage.”
- "Handsome"(in "Suspicion") : You don't smoke, do you?
- Rigby Reardon: No, I have tuberculosis.
- "Handsome"(in "Suspicion") : Oh, thank heaven for that.
“- Larry: Oh, I hate these places. Don't you? It's like, most of these guys are just here for one thing. I guess I want to meet someone I can talk to, just get to know. And go to dinners with, and museums, art galleries. I think what I'm looking for is more of a real relationship.
- Girl in Bar: Oh, that's great, Larry. But I just came here to...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Warren: I don't like to take naps. I don't like to wake up more than once a day. Because when I first wake up I get that shock of who I am and everything. I really don't like to do that more than once a day.
- Larry: Ya.”
“- Navin: Do you think it's possible that someday, you could make love with me and think of him?
- Marie: Who knows, maybe you and he could make love and you could think of me.
- Navin: I'd just be happy to be in there somewhere.”
“Hey, let's have five. Let's have six. Let's have a dozen and pretend they're donuts!”
“- Larry:I don't have anything in my place, I just left with a suitcase. I lost my comb. This morning, I had to brush my hair with my toothbrush. I mean, I cleaned it out really good so I feel more comfortable, but it takes about twenty minutes. Does it look okay?
- Warren: No, it looks good, I was just thinking about how good it looks.
- Larry:...” (continue)(continue reading)
“Do you know what your problem is? You live here. You're jaded. What you need is an outsider. In the last 24 hours I have experienced more in this city that most people who have lived here their whole lives! I climbed to the top of a luxury hotel! Not in the elevator! On the actual hotel itself! And then I fell...in love with my wife all over...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Pfc. Wally Holbrook: I don't gamble.
- Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko: Well, what is it you do do?
- Pfc. Wally Holbrook: Permission to speak freely...
- Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko: Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead!
- Pfc. Wally Holbrook: I get up every morning and I get dressed to protect the American way of life.
- Master Sergeant Ernest G....” (continue)(continue reading)
Never underestimate the power of belief, boy. With it, I've seen a mute sing "Hallelujah" and I've seen an old man get out of his wheelchair and dance. When you've got it, you've got the power of every ocean and every star right in your hand. Without it you've got nothing. Everyone you meet is just another sinner, and everywhere you go is just... (continue)(continue reading)
“- Lawrence Jamieson: Do you ever have a single thought that originates from above the waist?
- Freddy Benson: No!”
“- Lost Baggage Clerk: Where are you staying in the Boston area?
- Henry Clark: In the Boston area we are staying in New York.”
“- Trudi: He said it's the first day of spring.
- Harris K. Telemacher: Oh shit! Open season on the L.A. freeway!”