Steve Martin quotes
“I remember how her little hand used to fit inside mine.”
“- Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Are you trying to say capeesh?
- Barney Coopersmith: Yeah.
- Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Well don't do it, cause it hurts my ears when you do it.”
“- Edwina Cutwater: I don't see why you're getting so upset about all this.
- Roger Cobb: Because I want my body back. And I want my freedom and my privacy. And most of all, I'd like to be able to take a leak without being fondled.”
“I could never be a woman, 'cause I'd just stay home and play with my breasts all day.”
“- Warren: My hair doesn't grow long enough to swoop it over. Besides, I think when you see a guy with his hair swooped over, you know he's doing it to cover up something.
-Larry: Yeah, if a guy has a lot of hair, he's not gonna swoop it over.”
“I'm 49 years old. Admittedly, I could get away with 44, 41, maybe 38. But when you hit 50 they don't hire you anymore. It's like they can smell 50.”
“- Mother: Navin, it's your birthday, and it's time you knew. You're not our natural-born child.
- Navin: I'm not? You mean I'm gonna stay this color?”
“Franck Banks… has sort of a continental ring to it.”
“Boy, those French: They have a different word for everything!”
“- Jimmy Dell: I think you'll find that if what you've done for them is as valuable as you say it is, if they are indebted to you morally but not legally, my experience is they will give you nothing, and they will begin to act cruelly toward you.
- Joe Ross: Why?
- Jimmy Dell: To suppress their guilt.”
“- Edwina Cutwater: Guess what I'm going to do?
- Roger Cobb: What?
- Edwina Cutwater: I'm going to come back from the dead.
- Roger Cobb: Aaahhhh. And what makes you think you can do that?
- Edwina Cutwater: Because I'm rich.”
“Good people, bad people, they generally look like what they are.”
“- Iris: How long have you been a lonely guy?
- Larry: Is it that noticeable? What is it that gave me away?
- Iris: I know phony sweat when I smell it. When you first came in, I thought you were Larry Bird.”
“- Neal Page: What do you think? You think this is a good combination?
- Del Griffith: No, probably not.”
“I hadn't seen a body put together like that since I'd solved the case of the murdered girl with the big tits.”
“- Frank: You know, when you were two years old, we thought you had polio. Did you know that?
- Gil: Yeah, Mom said... something about it a couple of years ago.
- Frank: Yeah, well, for a week we didn't know. I hated you for that. I did. I hated having to care, having to go through the pain, the hurt, the suffering. It's not for me.”
“Richie loved to use 22s because the bullets are small and they don't come out the other end like a 45, see, a 45 will blow a barn door out the back of your head and there's a lot of dry cleaning involved, but a 22 will just rattle around like Pac-Man until you're dead.”