Steve Martin quotes
I can barely move my legs!
Do me a favor and kill me now!
Something, something rhymes with "legs"!
My life is over anyhow!
“A woman is like an artichoke, you must work hard to get to her heart.”
“Look around you. Everyone in this parking lot is struggling for control. And you know what it is they're trying to control, each and every one of 'em? Fear. They're trying to control their fear.”
“She had the personality of a ZIP code in Kansas.”
“You bought me a grave-post for my 38th birthday?”
“- Rita Robbins: Ernie, are we going to dance tonight?
- Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko: Well, that's up to you. I remember the last time we danced I accidently stepped on your knee.”
“So, I just wait here then?”
“Why don't you go back to the vodka bottle you crawled out of?”
“Stop browbeating her! Can't you see she is sexy?”
“- Peggy Schuyler: By the way, I never liked your dog. And I think jazz is stupid! And I faked all of those orgasms. Ah! Ah! Oh! Yes! Sound familiar?
- Roger Cobb: Yeah? Well I faked mine too!”
“- Edwina Cutwater: You know, you don't have to speak out loud. I can hear your thoughts.
- Roger Cobb: Great, just what I've always wanted.”
“- Trudi: I'll have a decaf espresso.
- Morris Frost: I'll have a double decaf cappuccino.
- Ted: Give me decaffeinated coffee ice cream.
- Harris K. Telemacher: I'll have a half double decaffeinated half-caf, with a twist of lemon.”
“A kiss may not be the truth, but it is what we wish were true.”
“Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst
of order is.”
“Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them
“I am the worst case scenario of Thomas Jefferson's dream.”
“- Larry: What'd you have for lunch?
- Warren: Toast.
- Larry: White?
- Warren: Rye.
- Larry: Good?
- Warren: Yeah.
- Larry: Sounds good.”
“- Susan: My psychiatrist thinks we should break up.
- Philip: What? I didn't know you were going to a psychiatrist.
- Susan: Well I'm not actually going to one. I've been dating one for four months.
- Philip: This is so sudden!
- Susan: I didn't want to tell you this over the phone, I really wanted to fax you. But you don't even have a fax!”
“- Sara McDowel: Why didn't you tell me you had just broke up with someone?
- Harris K. Telemacher: How do you know I just broke up with someone?
- Sara McDowel: Because when men just break up with someone, they always run around with someone much too young for them.
- Harris K. Telemacher: She's not so young. She'll be 27 in four years.”